Thoughts on Our Test

I feel like the past few days at school-including the two before the weekend and today-were relatively stable and calm. I am not sure if that is a sign of things to come or simply a recognition that my centered-ness has adapted to my new surroundings. We shall see….

The students took a test the final two school days of last week and I was surprised at two things. The first was how resistant some were to taking the test at all-those students were outwardly defiant and unwilling to take it. Honestly, they did not interest me since they were not even willing to try after some coaxing. Their mindsets are toxic and to go into their reasons opens a whole can of worms for another post.

The second, and more interesting point was a recognition from watching their behavior taking the test and seeing the questions they asked me during it that many of these children really believe they are unintelligent. They ARE NOT stupid at all. They would ask for the answer claiming they did not know anything about the topic. After a few probing questions, it became clear that they did in fact know a lot of the material and simply needed help in articulating their feelings/knowledge and transferring it to the test.

I did not know whether to be happy for these moments or sad. On one hand, it was a satisfying revelation to see that they realized they knew this information and to see them get over their own intellectual hurdles was a great scene to witness. On the other hand, it was sad to see a whole cohort of children who seemed to expect to be given the answer in an entirely self-defeating mindset.

Where does the blame lie for that type of behavior?

I think the answer is more complex than a few sentences, but needless to say, I think the blame lies in equal part with the schools, parents, and the students themselves. Much like believing that a successful individual succeeds because of a variety of environmental factors-both internal and external, failure has to be seen in the same light.

It is at moments like that I truly realize why I became a teacher-to deal with that exact ambivalence and attempt to establish a strong link in the chain that somehow helps fortify things for these kids.

Ahhhh

It is rather cliche really, but sometimes all we need is a few mellow days to help not only recharge, but also to reflect. I got that starting yesterday.

I awoke not to my alarm yesterday morning, but a text message alerting me to the fact that a snow day was upon us. I had not had one of those in over ten years, and boy, it was even BETTER as an adult. Did not get out of my pajamas until after 6pm and that was only to go to the bar for a few beers….If only every Wednesday could be like that.

I had a meeting this morning with all my fellow new teachers. It is always nice to get together with a huge cohort of people-many of whom are experiencing the same types of traumas/sorrows/revelations/joys and just sort of reflect and share.

The feeling of knowing you are not alone provides a huge emotional lift. Sometimes, the experiences in the classroom makes you crave adult interactions. You yearn to not only talk to people in similar circumstances, but also to simply talk to adults. To have a conversation that revolves around things you find stimulating. I left the meeting and headed to school with a recharged purpose. I knew it was going to be a rather ephemeral feeling, but it felt good nonetheless.

As I walked into the school, no less than five or six of my students called my name as they were in the hallway. They asked me where I was all morning and that I had missed their classes. I smiled to myself and then politely asked them why they were in the hall….I knew they had somewhere else to be. I was able, in all my month and half in their lives, to get them to where they needed to go cooperatively and quietly(relatively).

I knew this Thursday was not going to take my spirit. And tomorrow is Friday…..nice.